When you’re in the first few days and weeks of being home with a newborn time seems to enter a weird warp. The nights take forever to get through but during the day when you lay down for a nap it snaps by in a second.
We’re now almost four months into our adventure of raising twin boys and things have vastly improved over the last couple of weeks. The boys have begun sleeping through the night and the increase in our sleep means we wake up rested, level headed and able to get stronger and do better during the day. Although some mornings we wish we could sleep longer – babies DEFINITELY don’t have a snooze button.
Personally I’m further along the path of healing. I had a few days of tearful relapse in my postpartum depression healing and when the dizzy spells returned I worked with my psychiatrist to make the decision to up my dose of Zoloft. I’m now on 75 mg daily and while it’s frustrating to feel like I need more meds it has been working and I guess I just need to take solace in that. I’m finally to the point where I feel present and experiencing being a mother. I’m enjoying my boys and missing them when they’re down for a nap or when we leave them with Nana and Papa for an afternoon.
We have many friends and family members who continue to provide us with baby care relief, household help and much needed advice and counseling but for the first time since we came home from the hospital I feel like our support circle is extra help instead of vital support. I’ve had several hours of taking care of both boys by myself and I’ve done one full day. The thing was it was no big deal. I fed them together, stayed on their schedule and got them down for naps after each feeding without problem. I’m sad that I couldn’t have done that two months ago. But. It is what it is.
I’m dealing with the emotions of anger and grief over how the first two months went and trying to live in the moment now since it already feels like it’s flying by too fast! We’re healthy and happy and moving forward with learning to be a family unit.
Recently we were going through videos and I re-watched some of the clips I hadn’t watched in more than a month. They already seem so tiny then compared to now!